Why I hate the movie theater

I mean, apart from the dusty air and prickly seats and peanut candy and close quarters with complete strangers, some of whom wear way too much aftershave. 

Putting all that aside, I hate it because there's no place to stick a dog. 

I'd like to be clear, I'm not speaking of theaters in general, only the small one in my town. I swore I'd never go in there again after the painful rash and coughing fit I developed in the middle of Prince Caspian, but the sixth Harry Potter movie was just too important to miss. I'd had my service dog for two months. I figured I could have him check my seat and the area around it, and while I'd probably be rather uncomfortable I would try my hardest to stay for the entire movie. I knew the floor would probably be a little dirty, so I planned ahead and brought a beach towel for him to sit on. Of course, I didn't realize how stupid I would feel carrying it through the lobby, or just how much crap really builds up on a theater floor. It looked like the entire contents of a medium popcorn had been scattered around under my seat, and when I knelt down to spread out the towel I saw sour patch kids, nerds, and malted milk balls all over the floor. My poor dog had to lie in the middle of the canine version of an all-you-can-eat buffet and not touch anything. For the first hour he reluctantly behaved himself, but in the final scenes he couldn't help it. He just had to have one little piece of popcorn. 

Afraid he was going to eat something chocolate, I got out of my seat and sat on the towel with him in an aisle barely large enough to accommodate my legs. The poor dog had his feet under one seat and his head under another attempting to fit, and I couldn't see anything and missed Dumbledore's death. It was a really miserable experience. 

The next Harry Potter movie my family watched in a bigger theater in a bigger town a three-hour drive away. They had clean floors, and there was an entire row that was wider with the seats spaced farther apart, specifically designed for people with wheelchairs, crutches, and service dogs. The chairs were reasonably soft and the air was filtered well enough that nothing set off my allergies. Now, that was a great experience. Why can't all theaters be like that?