Why I hate the movies

We can learn a lot from Hollywood. Over the years I've learned lots of useful things from them, such as:

• The air vents are the perfect way to move through any building. There will never be any dust in these vents and no one will turn on the air conditioning while I happen to be inside.
• Foreign people prefer to speak in heavily accented English when alone.
• The more I hate someone, the more likely it is we're going to fall in love after a night of spontaneous passion.
• When you need to shut someone up at a cocktail party, just grab some food from a nearby tray and shove it in their mouth.

All valuable lessons, but I take issue with the last one. You don't spontaneously force food on someone. What if they're vegan? What if it wasn't kosher? What if they're allergic to it? What are you going to do then, huh?!?! Ever think of that???

I hate the spontaneous force-feeding gag almost as much as I hate the dog food commercial with the boy in the wheelchair. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's about a high school boy who only feeds his service dog this one wonderful brand of dog food. We know it's a service dog because we see it go up on its hind legs and push open a door for him while he does a voice-over about this great dog food. In the final scene he rolls up to a table outside on a bright sunny day, and a pretty blonde girl, presumably one of his friends, leans over and pats his dog on the head. 

Until I saw that commercial I never understood why the general public thought they could pet my dog without asking. Now I get it. The media are idiots. 

And while I'm talking about tv and movies, why do only geeks have allergies? You might think allergies cause geekiness, or perhaps geekiness causes allergies, but I think I can safely say neither is true. In addition to peanuts I'm also allergic to cats, dust, pollen, wool, and perfumed or strongly scented things, and, apart from wearing glasses, I fit none of the usual geek stereotypes. So seriously Hollywood? What's up with that? 

For me, one of the worst things about having allergies, even worse than not being able to eat candy corn, is how some people automatically assume I'm going to be an uncool panicky organic food snob because that's how people with allergies look in the movies. Heck, just look at the Dorfmans from iCarly!

Please don't stereotype people with allergies. It further complicates our already stressful lives.